


Is There Any More Room In Your Heart For Me?

by PetrichorKiss



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Friends to Enemies to Lovers, Hanahaki Disease, Just 2 dumb best friends hurting each other more than they should, Kinda (2)?, Kinda?, Love, Misunderstandings, Pain, There is not much Yvesoul au here so here I am, Yvesoul with a lil bit of Chuuves Lipsoul and Chuulip, lil bit of blood, side 2jin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:20:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23686831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PetrichorKiss/pseuds/PetrichorKiss
Summary: Jung Jinsol and Ha Sooyoung had been friends for life, as long as they had remembered. Their families were close, and they had taken their first steps together, went to the same school from kindergarten all the way to high school, spent summer vacations doing sleepovers at each other’s house to the point that they became bored of each other’s furnitures (Sooyoung admitted that Jinsol’s room looked nicer than hers only because she had a pet fish called Fish), stole each other’s everything, and so many more. They were so close to the point that everyone thought they were dating, although they always brushed it off cause they saw each other as sisters - long-lost sisters that understood each other’s nooks and crannies.This was why Jinsol couldn’t understand how her relationship with Sooyoung suddenly ended one summer night. And how she could feel a thorn growing in her heart as she puked out a bloodied petal as Sooyoung drove away, angry tears in her eyes.
Relationships: Ha Sooyoung | Yves/Jung Jinsol | Jinsoul, Ha Sooyoung | Yves/Kim Jiwoo | Chuu, Jeon Heejin/Kim Hyunjin
Comments: 4
Kudos: 62





	Is There Any More Room In Your Heart For Me?

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there! This is the first LOONA AU that I've ever made (and the first AU that I have published), so I'm quite shy hahaha. 
> 
> Please enjoy it!

College had only started for 2 weeks and Jung Jinsol already felt like dropping out. She slammed her head to the table in frustration after losing the staring contest with the digital clock on the wall for the 19th time in 1 hour. Yes, she counted. And yes, she had a staring contest with an inanimate object. She grumbled loudly, sounding more like a dying gazette than a vengeful hyena. Not that she cared, but apparently her friend did, as her stomach fat was pinched brutally as soon as the sound escaped her throat.

“Yo, what the fuck Jungeun, that hurts,” she hissed, looking at her friend’s unamused face. Kim Jungeun might only be a first-year, but she was definitely more mature than third-year Jung Jinsol.

“You make a sound one more time and I’ll make sure that’s the last sound that will ever escape that annoying throat of yours,” Jungeun said in one breath and Jinsol couldn’t help but be impressed with the one-breath threat aimed toward her. 

Keeping a mental note to exercise more so that she could threaten people in one breath, Jinsol nodded and melted into her seat, now finding entertainment at her newly-cut bangs. It was a normal cut, trimmed just nicely above her eyebrows, but apparently it had an exponential impact towards her fellow college mates. Eyes were turned as she walked toward her faculty building and people were downright ogling at her. Not that it was new to her. Jinsol was quite popular on campus, but she was usually not the spotlight woman of the week or something. Another person had taken that role from her, and now that she was actually thinking of that person she could feel her throat tighten.

_Oh no._

Jinsol jerked upright, startling Jungeun mid-concentration. She quickly grabbed her stuff from the table and roughly shoved them into her bag, muttering a soft I gotta go and see you later to a stunned Jungeun. She burst out of the auditorium, her professor’s voice dimming as she walked quickly towards the nearest toilet. She went to the nearest available cubicle and crouched down, retching hard to get rid of the cursed content from inside her throat.

When she was done, she could see the flower petals inside the toilet bowl, the tip of the petal marked with her own blood. It was a white carnation, and its near-complete form terrified Jinsol. She had read about the disease, had done extensive research once she realised what she had been experiencing, and a complete flower with thorns around it meant that it was too late.

She went out of the cubicle to wash her bloodied hands, feeling grateful that none of the blood dirtied her shirt. She could still feel the coppery taste in her mouth and quickly rinsed it, hoping the chlorinated water could somehow dissipate the awful feeling.

Looking at her washed expression in the mirror, she sighed. _Today’s gonna be a long day._

***

Jinsol’s second lesson of the day was in the design building. She just barely made it in time after getting lost in thought looking at the pigeons behind her faculty building.

_Stupid pigeons._

She went up the aisle and sat at the upper corner of the auditorium. She knew nobody in this class, and this was the first physical meeting for this particular subject. She shivered under the mercy of the AC, cursing at herself for only wearing a cotton tee today.

She could hear the professor clearing his throat as he started the lesson proper, but she was soon distracted. Her chain of thoughts were broken when she heard the auditorium door being pushed roughly. She got startled, almost dropping her pencil that she balanced on top of her nose. Annoyed, she squinted at the culprit, who was bowing half-assedly to the annoyed professor, and her breath was taken away. 

Literally, because she needed to cough to steady her breathing again.

_Ha Sooyoung._

The said woman was climbing the aisle as she looked for empty seats, seemingly nonchalant. Her shoulder-length hair was pushed back, and her beige-coloured ribbed cardigan hung loosely on her body, revealing an open white shirt that looked too good on her more than what Jinsol wanted to admit. But what caught Jinsol’s attention more was her jeans, with the initial JS embroidered at the left thigh. It was hers.

Sooyoung’s eyes caught Jinsol’s staring ones, and her face contorted. It went from a look of surprise to recognition to cold facade, and Sooyoung was the first one to break contact. She then went to sit at an empty seat in the middle of the auditorium, as if the sight of Jinsol at the upper level was a calamity she should not touch.

Jinsol would have convinced herself that she was okay. After all, they did not end things well last summer, so it was normal for Sooyoung to avoid her. But her heart told otherwise as the thorns tightened around it again. She crouched down, biting at her lips to minimise the pain. Tears stung her eyes as the pain did not subside this time, and she could feel herself slipping into unconsciousness.

And everything was dark.

***

Jinsol regained consciousness with a terrible headache. She had not felt like this before at all, and she suspected seeing the older girl in physical form might have triggered the worse of this stupid disease. She stood up and began collecting her belongings, realizing that she had just spent 4 hours of her day doing nothing except for vomiting blood and fainting.

_Good job Jung Jinsol._

She began treading the aisle when she saw a familiar figure still seated on the same seat that she had been staring for a while before fainting. Ha Sooyoung. 

The said girl was hunched over something, not noticing Jinsol’s presence at all. But as Jinsol passed by, she could feel the other girl looked up from whatever was occupying her. Before she could confirm her hypothesis, Ha Sooyoung spoke up.

“Jung Jinsol.”

Jinsol bit her lip. She missed that voice, the same melodious voice that had always accompanied her through day and night. The same voice that cracked stupid jokes nobody would laugh at except for Jinsol herself. The same voice that serenaded her to sleep, even though the self-made lyrics sounded ridiculous and not children-friendly at all. The same voice that had always called her name, full of warmth and joy. The same voice who no longer bore such warmth but instead filled with tension and hostility.

It took every ounce of her remaining strength to turn and face the girl of her dream and nightmare. Jinsol put up her ‘best’ smile and regarded her former friend: 

“Ha Sooyoung.”

Now it was Sooyoung’s turn to look stunned. But the vulnerable expression was gone in the next second, and the cold mask was back on. She handed Jinsol a folder etched with her name on top. Jinsol must have looked very confused because Sooyoung sighed and began explaining rather exasperatedly.

“Assignment. For the whole semester. That bald head of a professor wants everyone to do it in pairs. We got paired. Any more questions?”

Jinsol shook her head mechanically, her bodily functions somehow quite disconnected from her sluggish brain. She watched as Sooyoung packed her bag and left the auditorium, the echo emanating from the banged door loud in the silence.

It took quite a moment for Jinsol to process what had just happened. And to be honest, she did not know whether her pairing up with Sooyoung was good or not.

_Please let me live longer, whatever god is up there._

***

The first thing Jinsol did after arriving at her dorm was to jump on top of her cousin, which doubled as her roommate. The next thing she knew, she was on the floor, and a certain Kim Hyunjin was holding a desk lamp over her head.

“You have a death wish, Miss Jung?” Hyunjin smiled, a smile that did not quite reach her eyes.

“Oh to die in the hands of a fair maiden! I suppose one must compromise to have a beautiful death!” Jinsol exclaimed, waving her hand animatedly as she craned her neck to imitate the stage actresses she had always admired. 

In the end she got whacked with the desk lamp. Curse Hyunjin and her big hands.

Massaging her scalp, she rolled onto her bed and stared at the ceiling, looking at the specks of dust that were building up at the air grate.

“Hey Kimyeonjiiin~”

“What.”

“How does falling in love feel like?”

“Jung Jinsol did I hit you that hard?”

“I’m serious you brat. Answer me.”

Hyunjin stopped twirling her pen and thought carefully. It was public knowledge that her cousin had recently gotten together with Jeon Heejin, the first-year Madonna who Jinsol suspected was not full Korean. There was no way she could have the angular beauty of a European princess like that in this homogeneous country.

“I guess…,” Hyunjin started, pulling Jinsol away from her stupid imaginations. “...it’s like everything was dull until you met the one. I mean, not literally dull, but you never realise how that person can light up an already lighted place that is your life. Being around that person makes you happy; they make you you, and you they. Every moment is cherished, even to the simplest tasks. Cause it’s different when you’re with the one, where everything ordinary becomes extraordinary. And it’s not the fault of the circumstances, but that this certain someone has come into your life and brightened up everything. And you don’t want to lose your light, as you cannot imagine life without light, where everything is dark. Cause it’s not fun to be kept in the dark, and worse when the dark is yourself.”

Jinsol whistled lowly as Hyunjin finished, raising her eyebrows. “Awww, I didn’t know you’re such a romantic person.”

“You have 3 seconds to redeem yourself before this lamp finds its destination again,” Hyunjin replied, her ears red. Her cousin had always been bad about expressing herself, but seeing her like this, Jinsol couldn’t help but be happy for her. She stood up and ruffled the younger girl’s hair, earning a complaint.

“Why do you ask anyway?” Hyunjin asked, fussing about her victimised hair. “What about you? How is love to you?”

Jinsol smiled sadly. She already knew what her answer would be. For a long time.

“It was painful.”

***

Jinsol’s legs couldn’t stop shaking. She was at the cafe near campus, waiting for a certain someone to arrive. And that certain someone was already 15 minutes late.

16 minutes now.

She blew on her bangs, getting annoyed by the minute. She had finished her iced americano while waiting, the melting ice evidence of the long wait. She did not want to buy a new one, what with her wallet constantly being devoid of money. So she checked her phone, reading the text messages over and over again to make sure she was not scammed or something.

**Sooyoung**  
**(Yesterday)**

Hi. This is Sooyoung. Meet me at  
Cafe Rosy tmr @ 4pm. For assignment.  
Bring the related materials.  
 **23:37pm**

Okay. See you tomorrow!  
**23:37pm**

**(Today)**

I’m here alr. Seat nearest to the window  
**3:45pm**

Where are you? It’s 4:05 already  
**4:05pm**

:(  
**4:09pm**

It’s been 15 minutes…  
**4:15pm**

16 minutes...  
**4:16pm**

17 minutes...  
**4:17pm**

18 minutes...  
**4:18pm**

19 minutes...  
**4:19pm**

Congratulations you’ve reached  
the 20th mark of lateness! :]  
**4:20pm**

Jinsol would have sent another message had the real Ha Sooyoung not materialised in front of her suddenly. She dropped her phone at the sudden appearance and proceeded to clear her throat to distract her partner from the embarrassment.

But Ha Sooyoung just scowled at her. 

“If you wanted to spam someone, at least spam intelligently.”

Jinsol raised her eyebrow. Gone were all the plans that she had crafted the night before to make amends with Sooyoung. She forgot that this side of Sooyoung was - to be frank - very annoying.

“At least try not to be late? I’ve been waiting for more than 20 minutes! Besides, what does spam intelligently even mean? What is that, an oxymoron?”

“You of all people should know exactly what I mean, Jung Jinsol.”

Jinsol massaged her hurting head. Not this again. “Sooyoung can we please not argue now? Our grades are at stake here and you’re being very childish.”

Sooyoung scoffed, pretending to be hurt. “There you go again. Do I need to remind you that the world doesn’t revolve around you? Everyone has their own problems, but apparently little Jung Jinsol here is oblivious as always cause she only cares about herself .”

Jinsol’s face reddened with anger due to Sooyoung’s accusation. She admitted that she was - more often than not - quite dense about other people’s predicament, but to be told that she was selfish by the person she trusted the most? It stung.

She could feel the thorns tightened again as she abruptly stood up. Sooyoung sized her with her gaze, waiting for a comeback. But Jinsol had no time for that. Gritting her teeth to keep the pain at bay, she was quite proud of herself for not breaking down as she said the words she had meant to say all this time.

“Ha Sooyoung, you’re insufferable.”

***

_The first time Jung Jinsol realised she had fallen in love with Ha Sooyoung, she was scared. It was during her second year in high school when she realised that boys did not give her the exact same fluttering feelings as girls did, and it was during her first year of university that she realised her childhood friend had outgrown her baby cheeks and had grown into a fine and beautiful woman that were adored by many. Inclusive of her._

_Love was a very heavy word to describe this newfound feeling. It was weird because they technically grew up together, knew each other’s vices and virtues, protected each other and did everything together. This blooming feeling disoriented Jinsol. She did not want to lose the close friendship she had had with Sooyoung, but being around the older girl for a prolonged period of time did more damage to her, physically and mentally. And so she started avoiding Sooyoung._

_It was hard because Jinsol couldn’t remember ever doing something without at least telling Sooyoung about it. Her life had been intertwined too deeply with Ha Sooyoung’s to the point that complete separation was impossible. And what’s worse, she felt bad for Sooyoung, seeing her best friend’s pout after Jinsol ignored her from time to time, probably wondering what was wrong with her that caused Jinsol to pull away. Jinsol had wanted to scream that it was not Sooyoung’s fault, that it was entirely hers because she had fallen for her. But Jinsol was a coward, and so she kept doing what she could do best - avoiding Ha Sooyoung._

***

_It was the summer break after their second year that Jinsol knew she couldn’t run away from Sooyoung anymore. While in school, she often made up excuses to not meet up, citing that her Humanities assignments were too hellish to be completed given the time period or that her pet fish had died and her cousin Hyunjin refused to do proper burial to the poor betta. She was thankful that they were from different faculties, as Sooyoung was pursuing Fashion Design while Jinsol was stuck in the Humanities department. Jinsol and Sooyoung were roommates during their first year, but they moved out due to their contrasting sleep schedules and assignments. And so Jinsol roomed with Hyunjin while Sooyoung roomed with Jungeun’s best friend, Kim Jiwoo, who was an Art student._

_But now that summer holiday finally came, she needed to go back and stay in her hometown for the next 3 months. And that hometown consisted of Ha Sooyoung._

_Sooyoung had promised to fetch her home, and as Jinsol was occupied with her phone, a blue classic Cadillac rolled to the dorm entrance. Sooyoung had bought the car from a second-hand antique sale at their hometown, and she was very proud of her loot._

_“Climb inside, madame,” Sooyoung smirked as Jinsol rolled her eyes and stuffed her luggage to the back seat. She proceeded to occupy the seat next to Sooyoung as she reversed out from the entrance._

_They mainly drove in silence, with Sooyoung occasionally humming to the songs played by the car radio. It was unusual for them to be quiet, given that they had not seen each other for a long period of time, but Jinsol somehow did not have energy to talk. Her chest had been throbbing since the past week, and she suspected that her childhood asthma had returned, although there had not been any attack so far. She was grateful that Sooyoung somehow knew, as her gaze on the front view mirror was close to understanding. At least to Jinsol’s point of view. So Jinsol retreated back into her own mind and admired the view as it flashed by, a kaleidoscope of dull colours as the convertible surfed through the deserted highway. The constant rumble of the old car engine and Sooyoung’s melodious humming accompanied Jinsol as she closed her eyes, sleep closer to her than she thought._

***

_She was woken up by something cold poking her cheek. She jerked upright to see Sooyoung laughing at her from outside the car window, ice creams in both hands. Jinsol tried to glare at her, which earned an even more roaring laughter from her. As Sooyoung wheezed for air after laughing too hard, Jinsol propped herself up and scanned her surroundings. They had stopped at the petrol station just outside their hometown, which doubled as a rest area with a convenience store that sold many things that were borderline illegal. But it was a nice place, a familiar one, as she and Sooyoung often ran away to this place whenever they felt suffocated with their problems._

_“‘ere,” Sooyoung offered one of the ice cream to Jinsol._

_Jinsol took the free offer and got out of the car to join Sooyoung on top of the car hood. They laid side by side in silence, the only sound made was the slurping sound of ice cream as dusk crept near the horizon. Jinsol enjoyed the comfortable silence, but the look on Sooyoung’s face told her that the other girl had so much to talk about._

_“What is it Sooyoung?” Jinsol asked, earning a surprised look from Sooyoung._

_“You really know me best do you,” Sooyoung relented and chuckled._

_Jinsol smacked her on the shoulder, earning an exaggerated gasp from Sooyoung. “Of course! I’m your best friend, you idiot. I was even there during your water baptism where you thought you’re gonna drown cause the priest pushed you inside the water at the count of 2 instead of 3.”_

_Sooyoung scrunched her nose at the embarrassing memory. “Can we please not talk about that? I'm still traumatised.”_

_“Nah you’re just gay.”_

_“I can say the same about you Soulie.”_

_Jinsol’s breath hitched at the nickname that Sooyoung had not used for so long and the melodious laugh that came afterwards. ‘Soulie’ had been Jinsol’s Club Penguin username, while Sooyoung’s was ‘Yves’ due to her craze towards a certain French design brand._

_Jinsol hugged her legs to hide her reddening face, muttering that the night breeze was cold. Seeing a shivering Jinsol, Sooyoung then shrugged her jacket and placed it on Jinsol’s shoulders, a gesture of close friendship, but to Jinsol it was more._

_“Speaking of being gay,” Sooyoung started. “I need to tell you something.”_

_Jinsol looked up to see Sooyoung… embarrassed? Her face was redder than before and her gaze was glazed, although the smile was warm and sweet. Jinsol had always thought (and said aloud) that Sooyoung’s smile was very pretty, like a first love smile. Sooyoung had deemed Jinsol crazy then, to which Jinsol herself agreed, but seeing Sooyoung’s smile again after all this time, her hypothesis was correct. It was very beautiful._

_Jinsol did not know she had been staring long until Sooyoung flicked her fingers in front of her face._

_“Oi, do you even pay attention to what I’ve been saying just now?”_

_Jinsol blinked out of her stupor and muttered a sorry, beckoning her to continue._

_“As I was saying,” Sooyoung licked the last bit of her ice cream and threw the stick towards the grass. “I finally confessed to Jiwoo.”_

_On other occasions Jinsol would have fussed about how Sooyoung cared so little of the environment, but the last statement did wonders. She spluttered and nearly dropped her ice cream upon hearing Sooyoung’s confession._

_“Hey you okay?” Sooyoung asked, worried._

_“Yeah… brain f-freeze,” Jinsol lied through her teeth. She did not._

_“Stupid. You’re ruining my moment,” Sooyoung laughed, wiping the corner of Jinsol’s mouth with the paper napkin she salvaged from the convenience store. Jinsol could feel the blush crept in on her cheeks, and she thanked the universe that it was dark now cause Sooyoung could not see it._

_“So,” Jinsol finally gathered enough of her thoughts to form coherent sentences. “You and Jiwoo are…”_

_“Dating? Yup. It’s only been a week and you’re the first person we’ve told. Except for Jungeun I guess, since she’s Jiwoo’s bestie.”_

_“Ah. Congrats.”_

_Jinsol must have sounded very insincere, because Sooyoung looked up and stared at her, confused._

_“You okay?”_

_“Of course! Why do you think I’m not?” Jinsol tried to feign ignorance, although she could feel her chest tighten._

_Sooyoung narrowed her eyes. “You know you’re a bad liar right?”_

_“...”_

_“You can tell me anything. I’m your best friend for a reason.”_

_Jinsol knew that Sooyoung meant good, but she could not help to feel a bit angry. Sooyoung was attentive about everything except Jinsol’s obvious attraction towards the older girl._

_“Maybe there are some things that you shouldn’t stick your nose around.”_

_Jinsol had not meant to sound very harsh, but the damage was done. Sooyoung’s smile dropped and her face dimmed._

_“Soo… I didn’t mean-”_

_“So that’s how you feel about me all this time?”_

_Sooyoung looked close to tears and she stared at Jinsol. Jinsol averted her gaze._

_“I see. Now I know why you’ve been avoiding me the whole year. You should have told me sooner.”_

_“That’s not what happened-”_

_“Then tell me. But then again I shouldn’t be sticking my nose around your problems right?”_

_“You didn’t even let me finish!” Jinsol raised her voice, frustrated. She could see Sooyoung flinched._

_A beat. Another beat. Finally Sooyoung spoke up, although her voice was steely._

_“Then talk.”_

_“I-” Jinsol stopped in her tracks. She did not know how to tell Sooyoung that the reason she had been avoiding her was the fact that Jinsol loved her, not hated her._

_The long pause proved fatal as Sooyoung let out a sarcastic laugh. Tears were falling down her eyes, and she did not bother to wipe them at all._

_“See, you can’t even explain yourself.”_

_Sooyoung jumped down from the hood. Looking at the stoned Jinsol who was still perched on top of the car, her voice was the coldest Jinsol had ever heard in her 20 years of life with Ha Sooyoung._

_“Get off.”_

_Jinsol obliged._

_Sooyoung got into the driver’s seat and began to start the engine. With one last look towards Jinsol, Sooyoung’s voice pierced through the cold breeze as she drove off._

_“This is goodbye, Jung Jinsol.”_

_Afterwards, Jinsol felt her airway was obstructed and began coughing badly. She stopped after vomiting something white. A flower petal. Now she knew what was the source of her pain for the past week._

I fucked up.

***

_That was the last time Jinsol had seen Sooyoung, as the girl had been actively avoiding her. It was a feat to beckon, considering they lived across each other._

_Meanwhile, Jinsol’s condition became worse as time went by, and she cried herself to sleep for the irreversible mistake she had made._

***

Hyunjin had found Jinsol bloodied on the floor by the sink that night after her plight with Sooyoung at the cafe, stunned. Jinsol could only remember vomiting out petal after petal, and there was too much blood that she could not discern the petals inside the toilet bowl. By the time she was done, she did not have enough energy to even clean herself.

Hyunjin worked silently as she cleaned Jinsol, flushed the petals and carried the weakened girl towards her bed. She laid Jinsol slowly on the bed, still not making eye contact with Jinsol.

“I must have looked very miserable huh. I’m sorry that you have to see this, Hyun,” Jinsol whispered.

What surprised Jinsol was Hyunjin hugging her all of a sudden. Her cousin was not one for physical intimacy, and this gesture made Jinsol emotional. She noticed that Hyunjin had been crying silently, and Jinsol patted her back.

“I’m sorry Hyun, I’m sorry,” Jinsol said as she stifled back her own tears.

Hyunjin shook her head in Jinsol’s shoulder as she sniffled. “It’s not your fault. For falling in love.”

“I know.”

So the two cousins stayed in that position for another 20 minutes before falling asleep on Jinsol’s bed, arms wrapped around each other. 

It was Jinsol’s most peaceful sleep by far.

***

“Jung Jinsol, I swear to god if you don’t respond to me in the next 5 seconds I’m gonna hit your head with this book,” Jungeun hissed at Jinsol, who was staring absently out the library window.

Jinsol flicked her gaze towards a fuming Jungeun and took 3 seconds to understand the dire situation she had put herself into. She cleared her throat and scribbled an upside-down ‘sorry’ on top of Jungeun’s notebook, hoping the younger girl would not actually beat her with the book, which looked too thick to be deemed readable. Lately she had been the victim of near-head traumas and she did not want it to become part of her everyday life.

Jungeun pinched her nose bridge to calm herself down before she got the both of them kicked out from the library. 

“As I was saying, come with me to Jiwoo’s celebration party.”

“Oh.”

“What do you mean ‘oh’? Yes or no?”

“Lemme think,” Jinsol mumbled. She knew that Jiwoo had recently become the youngest recipient of a prestigious art scholarship due to her successful exhibition, and that was why her coursemates were throwing her a party to celebrate the achievement, which was open to everyone living on campus. “Why do you need me to come though? I thought you’re Jiwoo’s best friend?”

Jungeun groaned in her seat, burying her face inside the stack of revision papers she had written. “You don’t know how grossly in love Jiwoo and her girlfriend is. I’ve been a third-wheel long enough to witness everything and I wish I could delete their disgusting moments together from my brain.”

Jungeun pleaded, her puppy eyes shining. Jinsol winced. Jungeun smirked, her plan was working.

“Fine, fine. I’ll go to this stupid freshman party with you.”

Jungeun raised her fist in victory.

“Maybe you can find yourself a girlfriend there. You’re pretty lonely for a third year you know,” Jungeun mused, and Jinsol hit the girl with her pencil.

As if she didn’t have someone in sight already.

***

Jungeun was very enthusiastic about the party, much to Jinsol’s annoyance.

“How do I look?” Jungeun twirled around, her red dress flowing perfectly down her body.

“Okay I guess.”

Jungeun picked another dress, this one a black lace dress. “How bout this?”

“This one’s okay too,” Jinsol mumbled absentmindedly.

She was suffocated by a pile of dresses for her half-hearted comments. 

“Jesus, Jungeun if I die you won’t have anyone to accompany you, you know,” Jinsol choked, contemplating her friend circle once again for the nth time.

“That’s true,” Jungeun muttered, before turning to her wardrobe once again. “So, which one do you choose?”

Jinsol wanted to run away, but knew she would not make it far before Jungeun chokeslammed her to the floor.

***

The party was huge, and Jinsol was left speechless. And underdressed for the occasion. Jinsol cursed at herself for thinking it was just a stupid get-together. Oh how wrong she was.

Apparently the party coordinator (if there was such a thing called party coordinator) had rented the art lounge and transformed it into a dance floor-slash-ballroom. Loud music seeped through the double doors, already deafening even from the distance. People milled in and out, overdressed for the party but assimilated well with their surroundings.

Jungeun decided to wear the red dress. The dress suited her, seemingly enveloping her good physique and accentuated her body lines. 

_She’s definitely going to be a scene-stealer_ , Jinsol thought amusingly.

Meanwhile Jinsol was only wearing a black crop top with matching mini shorts, with a black hoodie jacket to warm herself up. Minimalist, and just her style, but apparently not enough for the occasion.

“Come here you country bumpkin,” Jungeun dragged Jinsol to the source of noise as the older girl just gaped at the festivity. “We don’t wanna be late for the fun.”

Jinsol let Jungeun drag her inside and towards her best friend, Kim Jiwoo. It just occurred inside Jinsol’s sluggish brain that she had never interacted with Jiwoo before, considering how many times Jungeun had gushed about said girl to her every time they had studied together. Jiwoo was busy talking with a group of girls, but after seeing Jungeun (and Jinsol), her face lightened up and she strode towards them hurriedly. Throwing her arms open, Jungeun reciprocated the gesture and they hugged each other tightly. Jinsol winced. Her bones would probably crack under the pressure given how powerful Jiwoo and Jungeun hugged each other.

As if noticing that Jungeun had brought company, Jiwoo turned to look at Jinsol and offered her hand. Kim Jiwoo was pretty - a sweet-type of pretty, with a face and smile that would not make people bored even after staring for so long. And her face was not the only thing sweet about her. She oozed such sweetness and radiance Jinsol would not have thought possible in this generation of emo college students. But here was Jiwoo and her bright persona, welcoming everyone wholeheartedly without putting them at arm's length, because kindness went a long way. Something Jinsol could not do, because trust was something hard to gain from her and from others.

_No wonder Sooyoung likes her._

As if on cue, Sooyoung had appeared beside Jiwoo. In another universe Jinsol would have joked about her timely appearance, but this universe’s Jinsol just stayed silent.

Because she was forcing herself to not react about how Sooyoung looked fucking good in that black dress.

Sooyoung was godly. Her one shoulder dress flowed flawlessly down her body. The lower part of the dress was cut to only cover one side of her limbs, revealing the matching shorts underneath. Her wavy hair complimented the whole look, and although Jinsol was no fashion critic and sucked at fashion herself, she could not help but be reeled in by the way Sooyoung rocked the outfit. And she was not the only one in the room blatantly staring. The whole room seemed to have suspended their activities upon the arrival of Ha Sooyoung, and she truly deserved the attention.

 _Oh heaven save me from untimely death caused by a beautiful woman,_ Jinsol thought.

“OMG, Sooyoung you’re finally here!” Jiwoo exclaimed and wrapped her arms around her girlfriend. 

Sooyoung smiled and kissed Jiwoo’s forehead. “Anything for you my dear, even when I have to sacrifice my final assignment.”

“Aww, baby you’re so sweet!” Jiwoo gushed before kissing Sooyoung on the lips.

Lucky for Jinsol, Jungeun had pulled her away from the two lovebirds as they did not show any signs of stopping.

“Jesus, their pda is this-gust-thang,” Jungeun fake-gagged before proceeding to offer Jinsol a glass of champagne. Jinsol muttered a thank you in return.

Jinsol raised the glass and clinked it with Jungeun’s. “For Jiwoo’s success I guess?”

“For continuing positivity and less pda. Jesus they cannot make it alive everyday without sucking each other’s faces off,” Jungeun said as she crinkled her nose.

They drank in silence as the commotion around them grew louder. At one point in time, Jungeun had excused herself from Jinsol so that she could talk privately to Jiwoo, so here Jinsol was, alone at the corner of the room, sipping at some unknown cocktails being served on the platter.

_[Play['Where You At'](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fd5g0gw_DGE) for maximum experience]_

Suddenly Sooyoung came into view at the center stage. Apparently she was being pushed to say a few words on Jiwoo’s success, so she was now standing awkwardly with a mic in hand, scanning the people around her. Jinsol could not help but smile, since Sooyoung’s awkwardness was something very familiar and endearing, even after she had grown to be the confident woman she is now.

“Um…,” Sooyoung began. “I don’t know why I’m suddenly forced to stand here to give a speech even though I badly wanted to drink, but oh well.”

That earned a few laughs from the crowd. _Classic Ha Sooyoung_ , Jinsol thought.

“It seems like I need to say something to Jiwoo, otherwise I cannot get down from here. So here goes: Jiwooming! You finally did it. All your hard work and efforts have been paid off, and look where you are right now. I’m very proud of you, because I’ve seen how you put everything into everything you do, and I feel like an inadequate girlfriend for not being able to give as much support as I can to you during your difficult period. Even though you’re always there when I need support, I’m sorry I couldn’t be there most of the time because I was busy myself. But I’ll make it up for you. Thank you for everything, Jiwoo-ah. You’ve brought the best of me during my difficult times, convincing me that it’s nothing but passing problems, that every cloud has a silver lining. I’m not a poet and I’m cheesy as hell but I love you so much and I won’t trade you for someone else.”

Sooyoung had shouted the last sentence before rushing down the stage in embarrassment. But not before making eye contact with Jinsol, who was directly across her from the stage. This time, Jinsol was the one breaking eye contact.

She weaved herself through the throngs of crowd, feeling light-headed. She was not a light drinker, but she suspected that the concoctions she had been sipping had compounded effects on her. She wobbled sideways, trying to avoid coming into contact with other partygoers, but that proved impossible. She was shoved hardly towards the wall by some insensitive drunks, and so she just stayed there, too tired to brave the crowd again.

She closed her eyes to steady herself. She never liked the sluggishness that came in package with being drunk, and the music that reverberated around sounded much louder than before. She felt like puking, but as she retched, nothing came out. So she just crouched at the corner, wishing everything to return back to normal.

“Hey there. Do you need some help over there?”

Jinsol looked up to see a stranger smirking at her, his smile unnerving. Jinsol sighed as she propped herself up and sized the man up, giving her best impression of a bad bitch she had learned from all the action movies she binge-watched with Sooyoung before.

“What do you want?”

“If I say it’s you that I want, what would you say,” the man said as he grabbed Jinsol’s wrist in the process.

Jinsol tried to wrench herself free, but the man’s grip was hard on her. “Let go of me, you creep!”

“Come on, let yourself loose. A pretty girl like you being alone in such a party is so wasteful.”

“Let go-”

Suddenly Jinsol’s wrist was free, and as she looked up she was surprised to see Sooyoung looming behind the man.

“When somebody said no, it means no you sick bastard,” Sooyoung said through gritted teeth. She had pulled the man’s arm away and turned it inwards, causing him to writhe in pain. Using her high heel, she tripped and forced the man onto his knees. “A.po.lo.gize.”

The man apologized, although it sounded more like a scream for survival than remorse. Sooyoung let go of the man, who ran away as fast as his short legs could bring him.

“Thanks,” Jinsol slurred as Sooyoung dragged her away from the crowd towards a secluded area, devoid of people except for the two of them. “And I’m sorry.”

Sooyoung looked down at her (literally) before crouching down, brushing the stray hair from Jinsol’s forehead. A reflex, since Sooyoung had been doing it to Jinsol since they were young. Recognition fell between the two of them and Sooyoung withdrew her hand awkwardly.

Jinsol did not know if it was the alcohol that caused her to be brave or it was just the desperation creeping in, but she grabbed Sooyoung’s face with her hands. Sooyoung was shocked by the sudden action, and so she did not move. Jinsol stared and searched Sooyoung’s face, pleading with her eyes.

“Is there any more room in your heart for me, Ha Sooyoung?” Jinsol whispered, her voice cracking as she mentioned Sooyoung’s name.

Sooyoung’s face changed after hearing Jinsol’s plea, and Jinsol was faced with the familiar expression that Sooyoung had always worn before. Of innocence and pure love. Of awkwardness masked with childish cheekiness. Of insecurities underneath the strong and unapproachable front. Her Sooyoung.

And Jinsol cried her eyes out, the dam holding her emotions back all these times was finally overcome. She kept saying sorry as Sooyoung moved closer and hugged her. She cried like there was no tomorrow, relieving herself of everything she had kept hidden to herself all this time. She could feel Sooyoung drawing little circles on her back - the same incantations that worked every time Jinsol was upset. Everything was hard ever since she fell for Sooyoung, but here she finally found solace in the hands of someone who caused all of these to happen.

“Hey… don’t be sorry Soulie. I’m not mad at you,” Sooyoung whispered softly into Jinsol’s ears. “I’m sorry for being immature about everything. Please don’t blame yourself anymore.”

“No… it’s my fault… I don’t deserve your kindness,” Jinsol heaved between sobs.

Sooyoung drew back and faced tear-stained Jinsol. Jinsol had not realised that the older girl had been crying herself, the tear making a pretty track down her smooth face. Jinsol had the urge to wipe it away, but afraid that Sooyoung would pull back.

“You will always have a place in my heart, Soulie.”

Looking at a vulnerable Sooyoung caused the thorns to tighten and grow at an alarming rate. Jinsol drew back and gasped for air the vines grew around her throat, colonizing her air tract. She coughed out blood, which alarmed Sooyoung as she began to stand up to call for help. But Jinsol grabbed her wrist, begging her to stay. 

_Cause this may be the last time I’ll ever see you._

Jinsol knew the spread was terminal. She lurched forward as petals bloomed inside her throat, and after several painful vomits that consisted more of blood than the usual content, a flower laid on top of the darkened puddle.

White carnation. A symbol of innocence and pure love. Very befitting of Sooyoung.

Looking at Sooyoung who was very stoned at what had just transpired, Jinsol used all her remaining strength to say everything that she had been meaning to confess to Sooyoung.

“I’m sorry for falling in love with you.”

***

Jinsol did not regain consciousness after fainting onto Sooyoung.

She floated within her subconscious, her mind separated from her body. She could hear people talking beside her bed as if she was underwater, murky and incoherent, although intelligible enough. Scenes played very slowly inside her brains, like a slow-motion audiobook she had been forced to hear.

In one moment she could hear Hyunjin shoving Sooyoung to the wall, prompting everyone to separate the two.

“You don’t know how much Jinsol had suffered because of you selfishly thinking that everything revolves around you,” Hyunjin had shouted. “Don’t you know how much she had wanted to talk to you but you kept giving her the cold treatment just because she didn’t want to share her secrets with you? Don’t you know that you’re the only one she could talk to? But then you easily throw her away like that. Fuck you for being such a bad friend, and fuck you for being the person she had been helplessly fallen for.”

Sooyoung did not try to defend herself and was silent while a girl with a very low voice - which Jinsol presumed was Hyunjin’s girlfriend Heejin - tried to calm Hyunjin down. Some nurses had come into the room and ordered them to leave, and everything was quiet again.

In another moment Jinsol could hear the doctor discussing with her parents. Something about immediate surgery and terminal condition. Apparently the roots had dug deep into her heart and lungs that operation was needed. If not, Jinsol will die.

“But, what about her feelings?” Jinsol heard her mom ask. 

“She will forget every attraction she had towards the said person,” the doctor replied solemnly.

She could hear her parents wept silently, and she felt bad. People should not suffer because of her, but then again, it seemed like everyone more or less suffered. Stupid Jung Jinsol could never do anything right, even until the end.

Jinsol had lost track of time as she was in coma, but she heard that the doctor had set a tentative timing for the operation, which will be conducted next week. Jinsol did not know how long 1 week was in comatose time, but she assumed it would still be long enough to make subconscious Jinsol bored.

***

Sooyoung visited her the day before her surgery. Her voice was raw, as if she had been crying these past few days.

“Soul…,” she started before sighing. “I don’t even know how to talk to you when you’re not conscious.”

 _But I am,_ Jinsol thought.

“I didn’t know that you’ve been suffering because of me,” Sooyoung began. “I’ve always thought that you hated me because you kept avoiding me. And that you hated everyone around me as well. I was angry because I thought you hated Jiwoo, even when she did nothing wrong to you. But apparently I just thought too much, and I’m sorry for assuming the worst of you.”

Sooyoung began sniffling quietly, but in the silent hospital room, it was loud.

“I’ve broken up with Jiwoo… it’s not her fault of course. It’s entirely mine. I loved her, and love her still, but I don’t want to insincerely love her, and she deserves someone better. Like Jungeun for example.

“You may wonder what I mean by being insincere with Jiwoo. No, I didn’t cheat with her or anything. It’s just that my affection is not entirely on hers. Cause I still couldn’t let go of the past.

“It may sound funny and ironical, but when I say that you always have a place in my heart, I literally mean it. You have always been there, occupying my heart and causing pain. I…”

Sooyoung went silent, and Jinsol was afraid it was because her consciousness herself was slipping. But then Sooyoung started again.

“You probably won’t believe it when I say I was in love with you back then. In high school. But I didn’t say anything because I was afraid of ruining things between us. And you’re dense as hell.”

Sooyoung chuckled at the memories. 

“But yeah, now that I think about it, it may not have been as one-sided as I thought it would be. Because I’m still fine without the disease. Maybe it’s me who’s dense back then.”

Sooyoung then went silent again.

“Soulie… please wake up. I miss you.”

***

“And we’re done!” Jinsol exclaimed as she submitted the assignment and the verification email pinged her phone. She turned around to high-five a tired-looking Sooyoung.

Sooyoung returned the high-five with a lopsided smile. “Can’t believe that sadistic professor asked us to submit using the school computer at fucking 8am in the morning.”

“Beggars can’t be choosers I guess,” Jinsol shrugged as she skipped through the hall. “Let’s go eat, I’m very hungry. My treat.”

Sooyoung raised her eyebrow. “Woah there, what has gotten into you?”

Jinsol pondered a moment. Today was April 20. Normal like any other day. “No clue, but I have this massive urge to treat you your favourite food!”

“Lead the way then Soulie,” Sooyoung chuckled.

Jinsol jumped in excitement while Sooyoung shook her head at the childishness emanating from the 22-year-old. Noticing that Sooyoung was lagging behind, Jinsol looked back and offered her hand to Sooyoung, which Sooyoung accepted gladly.

“Today’s gonna be a good day!”

_Especially cause I’m with you._

**Bonus: Sooyoung’s POV  
20 April 2017**

_Sooyoung first knew that she had fallen in love with Jinsol when she was in her last year of high school. Jinsol had grown into a beauty, her features sharp like a doll and the way she brought herself emanate self-confidence and nonchalance. But Jinsol was her best friend._

_They lived life per normal, inseparable since birth since they were only 3 weeks apart in age. She knew Jinsol like she knew herself, nothing was masked or kept hidden from each other. They spent time almost exclusively with each other, prompting curious gaze and questions._

_But no, they were not dating. Although Sooyoung wished they were._

_Everything was ordinary, until one rainy night Jinsol had presented herself at Sooyoung’s front porch crying._

_Sooyoung remembered it was 2am in the morning. She had been finishing up her assignments when she saw a shadow flickered in front of Jinsol’s house. Her bedroom window had been designed to be in parallel with Jinsol’s, where they had shared numerous secret codes and sharpie-marked drawing books to each other._

_She squinted at the shadow, but it was hard due to the torrential rain that day. The shadow moved out of the house, seemingly in a hurry and it went to… Sooyoung’s house?_

_As the shadow neared, Sooyoung finally could make out who it was. Jung Jinsol._

_She nearly tripped out of her chair as she rushed towards the door. She opened the door right as the first chime of the doorbell ringed through the house, and was met with Jinsol’s tear-stained face._

_“Sol… what-” Sooyoung stopped herself before dragging the shivering girl inside her room. She threw a towel towards Jinsol and ordered her to dry herself, while searching inside her wardrobe to find comfortable clothes for Jinsol._

_Jinsol emerged from the bathroom afterwards, all dried up save her face, where tears were still streaming silently. Sooyoung's heart ached seeing how devastated Jinsol looked, so she just hugged her as Jinsol nuzzled close to Sooyoung on the bed._

_Jinsol smelled like Jinsol, Sooyoung remarked inside her head. Smelled of something familiar. Sooyoung hugged her tighter as Jinsol started crying again, patting the younger girl while drawing circles on her back._

_“There, there. I’m here with you, I won’t leave you.”_

_Finally Jinsol relaxed in Sooyoung’s arms. Patting the girl on the head, Sooyoung excused herself to find food in the kitchen and asked Jinsol to pick movies to watch. She came back with a 4kg convenience store popcorn and a 1.5L bottle of coke, which earned a wide grin from Jinsol. In all her puffiness and redness, Jinsol still looked breathtaking._

_“Calm down you big baby,” Sooyoung laughed heartily as Jinsol began ravaging the popcorn. “What are we watching?”_

_“I don’t know. You pick,” Jinsol answered with her mouth full of popcorn._

_“Hmm… how about you watch my favourite movies?” Sooyoung suggested. “It’s okay if you don’t want to… my movie taste is not exactly good either but-”_

_“I would love to, Soo, everything you do and watch will surely be something cool!”_

_“You’re flattering me Jung Jinsol,” Sooyoung arched an eyebrow._

_“As I should be,” Jinsol chuckled, which sent butterflies squirming inside Sooyoung’s stomach._

_And so they spent six hours marathoning Sooyoung’s favourite movie series before cuddling with each other to sleep. Sooyoung fell asleep first as she was tired from all-nighters she had pulled lately. She fell asleep to Jinsol smoothing her hair and singing her favourite songs, her smooth voice flowing deep into her subconsciousness._

***

_Unbeknownst to Sooyoung, Jinsol kissed her on the lips afterwards. A spontaneous action, an undeclared declaration of love. The heat of the moment had spurred Jinsol to be momentarily brave. Jinsol had been so embarrassed by her actions she never said anything to Sooyoung the next day. Did she fall in love with Sooyoung? She shrugged the thought away. It was just a spur of the moment, nothing special. After all, she did not think Sooyoung would love her back anyway._

_What she did not know was that this small ripple had caused a big wave of change towards her and Sooyoung. A change full of happiness and sorrow, like two sides of the same coin._

**fin.**

**Author's Note:**

> Congrats on reaching the end! Thank you so much for reading! I'm sorry if any part of the storyline is not satisfactory or anything, and there is still rooms for improvements to me as well. English is not my first language, but I don't want that to be the reason why people cannot enjoy what I write, so feel free to leave any comments/kudos if you like! I'm also open to criticism hahaha
> 
> See yall again and thank you so much! Stay safe everyone!
> 
> Here's my [twitter handle](https://twitter.com/petrichor_kiss) if anyone wants to be mutual and interact :D
> 
> P.S. I originally wrote this for my best friend who's not a LOONA stan... and I might have converted her a lil bit..? But she appreciates LOONA so all is well.
> 
> P.P.S. HTML Editing is so troublesome and I got reminded when I was still in junior high school trying to design a webpage to compete with tumblr lol. It didn't work. I was boo boo the fool and I still am.


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